Thursday, January 12, 2012

Decisions Part 2, current example

Last year I had this post about how we have to decide things on a daily basis and how we can do it in a right way as Christians. Ever since I wanted to sit down and put some thoughts up here but I either had not the time (or I didn't take the time for it) or it was so much that I was thinking about and experienced according to that matter, that I didn't know how to sum it up. So I will have this post and probably another, last one, to conclude the topic.

So let me explain my current situation about a decision I think I should take. It's about a relationship to a certain man, let's call him Mr. Smith. He's a colleague and we are good friends. Ten years ago we worked together, now - during the past 7 years - I am at a different place but in the same house and so we still have lunch together every day. Sometimes I feel I should draw back from this friendship because he is married and somehow I know he wants more. He does not take actions to make it clear but now and then he drops certain hints that are definitely suggestive when we are alone... It's probably the old "Harry and Sally" - question (can men and women be just friends?). On the other hand, he really takes care - like: last week I had to have a suspicious mole cut out and he remembered that I had mentioned it a couple days earlier. That day he sent me a text and asked me to let him know if that "mini-surgery" went fine although he was sure that it was not a big deal, he just wanted to know I was well afterwards. When I am not at work he always calls me at home to hear how I am doing.
And yes, that makes me feel good, someone is taking care of my well-being. On the other hand it makes me feel bad because I am obviously taking his attention and he often enough notes that his wife should never know of it. That's the point when I feel like I'd love to run away.

I admit that I always tried to avoid to think about my situation during the last years. But the past two or three weeks it stood out bold and I thought I should take action and "break up" that friendship. First, I just wanted to have it come to an end so that I would feel better according to what I believe is the right thing to do. But the more I pray and study I think I should wait for God in this case. 

A week ago I read in a devotional specifically that we should not end friendships just because we feel bad about it. It could cause difficulties that would take years to fix. We should God have take care of it.
Today I read that our obedience always costs something for our neighborhood. We willingly obey Jesus because we love him, but our obedience will cross the plans of those around us and hence will bring up difficulties.

So, what?

Sometimes the Bible doesn't give us an answer on specific things like "you should stop meeting Mr. Smith" but it holds a truth that always shows the same patterns. And this will always help us to take the right decision. Not based on feelings or shady signs we may pray for and/or might interpret into certain situations. We don't believe in signs, but in a living God, don't we?

Joseph fled to escape Potiphar's wife. It caused difficulties (sent him directly into prison). But he obeyed God which definitely crossed her plans. But he had to respond quickly in his situation, she draw him into her bedroom.
Reading the text again I referred to in the first place about not ending a friendship out of our feelings, I see, that it speaks about how God sometimes puts us in a situation that is not clear and we should not fill that empty space with actions that come from our uncomfortable feelings about it. Like Abraham. He was waiting for the promised son, who didn't show up and so he took an action to "help" God.

In my case, there's no chance we will get close to any bedroom and there's no reason for me now to take an action more than ever just because I feel more uncomfortable now than before. Also, usually we are not alone in the same room for more than a couple of minutes.
But I definitely will not allow suggestive talk in the future, which I failed to forbid often enough in the past. Above all, I pray that I will not deny Jesus in any way I behave, as I did by just remaining silent too many times. I already started to change my way of interaction and as a result I didn't get a phone call today (I am sick home)...


JT said...

I have a suggestion. The next remark he makes that seems to get close to meaning something else - tell him how you feel. Let him know you enjoy his friendship. Let him know that there will never be anything else because he is a married man and you are a Christian. God bless you.

Tina said...

that is some helpful suggestion, dear JT, thank you! May God bless you, too!

Jim said...

It's a tough one here, Tina. Been there, in Joseph's shoes, and escaped but not real sure how or why.

I liked her attention but knew it was wrong. She was married and lonesome, her husband was overseas in the military. We both needed companship and while I had thoughts about no-no conduct which I believe she did also, somehow we would just have fun. Or talk. Thinking back, she may have thought I was shy.

Now though, I am believing that God was guiding me/us to do what was right for the both of us. Perhaps angels were 'arranging' things too. It ended when her husband came home the next summer. I met Mrs. Jim early that fall.

I don't know why I came here tonight and don't know if I can help or have helped for your correct decission stand. For sure I will pray.
BTW, you have been writing a lot that I have missed. Got to come back and read. I hope you are feeling better by now. A lot of the flu and lingering respiratory cold-like symptons are going around.

KJP said...

just stumbled across your site and your situation.
to keep it short:
1. yes, men and women can just be friends
2. there will always be sexual tension between men and women in friendships
3. the real question is one of emotional attachment. if he has become in the slightest, emotionally attached to you - break it off NOW. if you are in the slightest emotionally attached to him (and your post says you are!) break it off now.

The whole argument of hurt feelings, etc, is the world system killing off what should be your Godly witness.

Married men + other female attachments will always end in a mess because they never should have existed and if he is a Godly man, he knows he is playing with fire.....

protect your heart, protect your witness, accept the idea that all guys are scum and look for the one what will prove that idea wrong.
stay clear of our culture's sickness in the realm of relationships. keep your male interests - Godly single men (and test the tar out of them or find a Godly father to help keep you safe - whom will!) or widowers, nothing in-between.....
(I am just a father of three daughters, and the father image for a fourth.)